There! High up over the cottony clouds in a blue blue sky
a tiny plane was winging its way to some faraway place. And she was stuck in
class!! It just wasn’t fair. Not fair that she had to sit in on this glorious
summer’s day and try to cram in concepts that she would later be tested on. It
wasn’t fair that since she was brilliant she was expected to ace all her exams.
It wasn’t fair that her dream of being one of the best models in the world was
scoffed at by everyone simply because she was academically inclined to be a
topper. It wasn’t fair that her mom allowed her to take up modelling
assignments on condition that her grades remained in the stratosphere. It
wasn’t fair that her dad …. No, she
wasn’t going there! She blinked back the tears that filled her eyes and forced
herself to concentrate on the lessons. That was the way to keep from going down
that path.
He was there. Right next to her. He saw the curls that had
never failed to delight him. Was that a wayward breeze playing with the
tendrils of hair that had escaped the confines of her hair clips? Those lovely
perfectly shaped ears that were so attuned to the slightest sounds that
promised distraction the second she sat with her schoolwork. Her perfect nose
that was, in his opinion, every bit as horrible a nose as her father’s. Her
eyes were huge, sink-into-me pools of her favourite Nutella. He was the only
one who caught the sudden glint of tears in her eyes before she blinked them
away furiously and returned her concentration to the day’s lesson on plateaus
and mountains. He knew why those tears had come. How could he not when he was
the reason they were there in her eyes? He knew that they were always there,
simmering beneath the surface, waiting for an unguarded moment to spill forth.
He also knew the effort it took her to keep them in check, the effort it took
her to carry on from day to day as though nothing had happened.
He looked around. He saw her class, her classmates, her
teacher droning on and on and on. God!! How he hated Geography! He saw her
lithe artist’s fingers start drumming a tune as she took one last look out of
the window at that faraway plane, winging its way across the blue sky. He
kissed her. Engrossed or not in Geography, all she felt was a feather-light caress
on her cheek. She never even paused to think of how any breeze, wayward or not,
could have made its way into the airconditioned classroom she sat in. “I’ll be
back in a jiffy”, he whispered and then took off, out into the bright blue sky
towards that little plane making its way a thousand miles above.
She was there, as he knew she’d be. Tired after the early
morning flight and the subsequent changeover, she was now sitting at the window
beside her teenaged son. Her son, engrossed in some kungfu movie or the other,
resembled her so much that it brought a smile to his lips. She gazed out over
the miles and miles of cottony clouds that blanketed the view outside. Silent
tears coursed down her cheeks. Again, he knew he was the reason for those tears
in her eyes. He loved her eyes. He looked into them and once more found himself
drowning in their brownness. “I love you baby and I’m sorry. I know that you
are the only one who will understand me and forgive me and still love me the
same.” “I hate you”, she thought. “I hate you for giving up so easily. For not
fighting for what you loved so much. Twice. First me and then Kathy.” She
remembered a whatsapp message she had once sent him – Be fearless in the
pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.
After
all these years and all that had happened in them no one had set her soul afire
the way he had, with that shy lopsided smile of his. Was it only yesterday that
they had met on that warm and sunny winter afternoon? As always a million
memories swamped her mind, filled her eyes with more tears and brought a smile
to her face … going to watch him play a basketball match that he had arranged
just so they could meet up … their first date which was the slowest fifteen
minutes of their lives … the first movie they watched with eleven other friends
just so she wouldn’t feel shy watching DDLJ with him. Those brief moments
together had held more love and passion and understanding than what most found
in an entire lifetime. Over the decades it had remained like a suddenly discovered
coin, resplendent still in its newly minted shininess. She continually
marvelled at their love for each other. It had withstood the passage into
tweenage, jobs abroad, marriages (one a failure the other a success), much
awaited parenthood and finally even death.
She
smiled through her tears and dabbed at her eyes. He smiled seeing her smile. To
him it was as beautiful and magical as the rainbow after a heavy shower. He
hoped with all his heart that she would never forget what she meant to him. He
knew she knew why he had done what he did and why, even after death, he
couldn’t be by her side. He kissed her once more, ruffled her son’s head (his
boy, he had always called him) and went off, borne on a sunbeam that pierced
through the blue blue sky. He was back in the classroom where that boring
geography class was finally coming to an end and filled his eyes with the sight
of Kathy, his baby. Why did she have to grow up so fast? His Kathy, the only
beautiful thing he had been blessed with during the twelve years of his sorry
marriage. The wonder for him was always how little Kathy looked like her mother
and how much she looked like her, his only true love. In Kathy he always saw
only her – her beautiful eyes, her curly hair, her shy smile, her fiery temper
that flashed out of those eyes. How was it possible? How could no one else see
that? Aaahh…he had endless time to ponder that over.
Southampton 16/3/2019 